There was an article in the Toronto Sun which highlighted the growing amount of women holding off motherhood due to misleading information about advances in fertility science. The paper interviewed Judith Daniluk, a psychology professor at the University of British Columbia, who counsels many women trying to get pregnant in their late 30s and early 40s and sometimes older.

“Many of these women were surprised to learn that their chances of a successful pregnancy were significantly reduced based on age-related fertility declines — declines that couldn’t be compensated for by the use of assisted reproductive technologies and treatments. It was heartbreaking to see their disappointment and despair when they were unable to achieve a viable pregnancy,” she said.

Daniluk is conducting an ongoing study to assess why women are putting off pregnancy and to identify the sources from which women are gathering their knowledge regarding fertility. Already, her study is finding that 45.5% of the respondents expect to give birth between 36 and 41, and 13.2% think they will have children at 42 or older. Nearly half said they expect to use a sperm donor, an egg donor or invitro-fertilization to achieve their goals. More than half said they were likely to freeze and store their eggs.

Daniluk calls out misleading websites, uninformed doctors and high-profile middle-aged moms like Celine Dion as some of the sources which enable women to think they can delay childbirth. What often is left unsaid, or buried under the surface of fertilization treatment discussions is that is extremely expensive and not very reliable for anyone over 34. It also comes with higher chances of multiple births, miscarriage, pregnancy-induced hypertension and birth defects the older the candidate.

“We need to be sure women and their partners have accurate information upon which to base their child-bearing decisions, but we also need to ensure family physicians are provided with continuing education about the advances and limitations of assisted human reproduction,” she said.

Of course one of the major underlying causes of delay in pregnancy among women today is the current climate of our modern society. Daniluk goes on to point out the modern life challenges facing women today further in the article. Speaking for myself, I would love to have baby and be a mother, but first I would love to fall in love with a great man here in NYC, feel grounded in my career and financial security, etc. Myself, like many women are experiencing more difficulties balancing family goals with our career, education and wellbeing goals.

Before I began the path of doulahood, I too had it in my mind that I could easily delay pregnancy till I was in my later 30s early 40’s if I had to (not to say that I still can’t).Now, I am more familiar with the realities that lay underneath the surfaces and am finding that I am being to dip my toe into the consequences of such delays. Women should be encouraged to discuss their concerns and fears about delaying pregnancy freely. Such discussions with friends, partners and honestly ourselves, can give way to a new dialogue which could help women as we continue to figure out our next steps on our life paths. It is very important to hold mirrors in front of our faces when we ask why the delay. Acknowledging and being with the truths, whatever they may be are the first steps to getting to where we need to be. Ironically, as it is in birth, mothers tend to birth quicker the more they let their fears and worries flow and go.